FCN’s National Manager (Northern Ireland) Caitriona Crawford has written the below blog about Dying Matters Awareness Week (4th – 10th May) and why conversations around death and succession are important in our farming and rural communities.
Our kitchen table at home has seen many a conversation over the years — with family, friends, neighbours, and visitors passing through. Like many homes, those conversations could wander anywhere from childhood memories and family stories, to life on the farm, sports results, politics, community, and, quite often, death.
We would speak about family members, friends and neighbours, how they passed and fond memories we shared.
It’s something that comes up quite often in many houses, especially in rural communities where families come together to support each other during loss — often times where the strongest sense of community is seen.
As is often said, “death is the one thing we are sure of in life.”
Yet, despite this, we rarely spoke openly about death or dying before it happened. We didn’t talk about plans or wishes we might have for our own death, and even when we knew someone was very unwell, we often shied away from the reality of what might be around the corner. Conversations about planning for death are not common, often because of the emotions and discomfort they can bring.
That is why Hospice UK’s Dying Matters campaign is so important. Dying Matters’ mission is to break down the stigma and taboo around talking about death and dying. Because if we don’t talk about death, dying and bereavement, it can make it even harder to cope when we experience it.
Additionally in farming families and rural communities, there is often the additional complexity of succession planning, wills, inheritance, land ownership and power of attorney acting as barriers to discussing death and dying with family and friends.
I’m sure many of us have seen situations across rural communities in the UK where these barriers, and the reluctance to discuss dying matters openly, have had huge consequences after a death. Families torn apart, relationships strained, or communities divided whilst already dealing with the bereavement of a loved one.
Through our work at the Farming Community Network and through our rural communities cancer project, we see the importance of encouraging people to have difficult conversations early, to seek support when they need it, and to look after both their physical and mental wellbeing. We know how powerful early conversations and support can be — whether that is around a cancer diagnosis, mental health struggles, succession planning or end of life care.
Because while we may not be able to #NipItInTheBud for every diagnosis, perhaps we can nip some of these difficult conversations in the bud instead.
We can encourage people to speak openly with their families, to make plans, to ask for help, and to lean on the support that exists within our communities and organisations around us.
Because talking about death does not bring it closer.
It brings clarity, it brings preparedness, and above all, it brings people together when it matters most.
As we come to the end of Hospice UK’s Dying Matters Week, let’s not treat this as a once-a-year conversation, but as a reminder of something we can all do a little better, every day.
Start the conversation. Ask the question. Offer the support.
As sometimes, the most important conversations are the ones we have before we think we need to have them.
For more information or support, visit…
- Hospice UK – Dying Matters
- FarmWell – Succession Planning
- FarmWell – Bereavement
- FarmWell – Green Zones
- Macmillan – How talking more openly about death could help people die well