This guest article has been written by Sharon May (photographed). Sharon works as a counsellor who runs a practice from her husband’s family farm in Hampshire. She is a current 2025 Nuffield Farming Scholar studying the topic “no farmer is an island – supporting the mental health of farming families” sponsored by Len’s Light and The Farming Community Network. You can find out more about her study here .
This week is Men’s Health Week, and (unsurprisingly) my focus is on the hurdles that men face when discussing or seeking help for their Mental Health.
One of the reasons that farmers struggle to talk or reach out when things are tough is the stigma that still exists about men and emotional issues. This is a problem in society in general, but the traditional masculinity of farming heightens the stereotypes of stoicism, individualism, and strength and turns it into an obstacle that has to be overcome before you can even have a conversation about how you are feeling.
Some of the most common are:
Boys don’t cry.
This means that when something happens and you feel like you want to cry, the subsequent belief is that you are somehow ‘less’ masculine and therefore ‘weak’ if you do. Crying is a normal physiological response to pain, sadness, relief and (not forgetting!) happiness.
A man should be the “strong / silent” type.
When you aspire to the strong / silent type, if you find yourself having a powerful emotional reaction to something, or feel like you are falling apart, then again it can result in feelings of failure – thereby exacerbating distress.
Anger is the “only” acceptable emotion for a man.
When you see the men around you (including others on farm or role models from sport and media) respond to fear, frustration, jealousy, hurt, grief, insecurity, hopelessness etc by getting angry – that then seems to be the only (acceptable) way to express it.
When something bad happens: turn to booze.
Once you notice how many heroes in films pour themselves a stiff drink when something tough happens you can’t unsee it. It models a really unhelpful coping mechanism, which when stress is frequent and constant (hello farming!) can lead to dependency and secondary health or relationship issues.
Just think logically.
Generally farmers are logical thinkers when it comes to solving problems. However, emotions aren’t logical, and when emotional issues arise, the fact that you cannot simply think your way out can leave you feeling really lost and unskilled.
Fix everything yourself.
Men are not encouraged to ask for help, and prized when they can fix things (for themselves or others). However when it’s an emotional issues and you can’t, either because it is just too hard, or simply because no-one has ever taught you how, this can lead to additional feelings of shame and isolation. When you have been traditionally valued on what you do, rather than who you are – this can be especially destabilising.
This all makes seeking help so much harder. So if you are a man reading this and things are difficult at the moment, you may find yourself getting angry, turning to booze too often, or suddenly bursting into tears. You’re not failing, or less than a man. You’re just human, and it’s ok to find it difficult, and not know how to solve it by yourself. Please reach out. The Farming Community Network (FCN) can be contacted in confidence on 03000 111 999 or help@fcn.org.uk, 7am-11pm, 365 days of the year.
Importantly, what can we do to help the next generation grow up without a similar struggle? Whilst these stereotypes are cultural, they are often reinforced by watching the men in your life as you grow up, and listening to how they talk about others. What might be old-fashioned views, or simply good-natured “banter”, will be listened to by young lads working on the farm, and your own children.
We have a responsibility to challenge the narrative around what it is to be a man and a farmer so that it is something to rightly be proud of, but that also allows space for all the challenges of being a human being without shame or judgement.